Blog Post 5/14
I think I’m doing a decent job of moving on. There are days when I cry over Dad and then get angry at myself for even grieving. I don’t know what stage that is, but it’s not my favorite.
I just received a memorial book from the funeral home.
They did a very nice job, and it truly reflects what I know of my father. He loved the water. Boating, the beach, jet skis, whatever, that was where he tried to be when he had time off. This quote from it especially gets to me:
Peaceful Shores
I have lived in sight of the ocean
Where the water runs into land
I have walked on the beach
in the morning
And left my tracks in the sand
But musical waves have been calling
And the ocean is so wide and vast
That I’ve struck for the silver horizon
And put out to sea at least
~ Unknown
The book includes his obituary—which I wrote—as well as a myriad of pictures that my stepmother put together. The last section is set aside for messages that were left on his web page hosted by the funeral home. I realized as I reached that point, that he and I are on the last page of photos.
Yeah, this got me crying again. It feels all too ironic that he and I are together at the end.
I think that’s all I can say for now. I know I’m not ‘healed’ or whatever, since as soon as I write about it or talk about it, I cry. I appreciate all the support and comments from all of you. It really does help, and you’ve given me good advice.
Don’t forget!
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My mother was in the same position as you except she wasn’t able to fly out and be with him in the end, her brother and stepmom said it wasn’t something she would want to see. Its a process she still has trouble with it and it has been almost five years. One day at a time and lots of support, we are all here for you.
I don’t think I would have been happy if I missed it. I was visiting my dad when my aunt passed, and my stepmom suggested I wouldn’t want to see my aunt like that. Turns out, I’ve always regretted it. I knew I needed to see Dad regardless of how he looked.